Many Names, the Same Ugly Reality

When we talked about it at all, we used to call it “wife abuse.” The victims were “abused women” or “battered wives.” Today we talk about “intimate partner violence,” “domestic abuse” or “domestic violence,” and there are many similar terms in common usage. Why the change over time?

First of all, it’s important to realize that although we usually think of domestic abuse referring to husbands harming their wives, in fact there are many other ways that male abusers take their rage out on the women who share their lives and homes. A son might steal from his mother’s bank account and threaten violence if she tells anyone. A father might refuse to let his daughter have a job or form friendships in order to control her.

Sadly, though, the majority of these kinds of crimes are perpetrated by men against the women they are closest to: their wives, whether by marriage or in common law. That’s what the term “intimate partner violence” aims to capture, but sometimes people assume that the use of the word “violence” means that there’s really only a problem if the man slaps or kicks his partner.

In fact, abuse takes a wide range of repugnant forms. A man might force his partner to have sex with him. He might prevent her from getting a job. He might call her cruel names and belittle her to the point where her self-worth is destroyed. He might control all of the household money. While these types of abuse don’t leave physical marks, they are still forms of violence.

That’s what makes the term “domestic violence” so jarring. After all, a domestic situation is one that, by definition, takes place within the home. The word “domestic” should have warm connotations of family love and support, but in the cases of the women who seek help from Women’s Resources, the exact opposite is true. The home is a place of fear, stress and pain of all kinds.

Ultimately, what unites all of these terms now and in the past is the reality they describe. As Women’s Resources Executive Director Lori Watson points out, they’re all talking about the same thing: men’s violence against women.

When that physical, mental, emotional and financial violence stops, there will be no need for our services, but until then, Women’s Resources will be here to help the women and children who have experienced it to live lives free from abuse in all its forms.

By Nancy Payne